Book Review: Parenting the Strong-Willed Child

In choosing a book to read and review I wanted to find one that could really be beneficial. I found a book called Parenting the Strong-Willed Child by Rex Forehand PhD and Nicholas Long PhD. I thought I might be able to relate to the book because I consider by daughter to be strong willed. I had the third eddition which starts with information on studies the authors have done and studies that have been done on the program. I found one such study that was done with the authors as well as four others that indicated that if parents actually read the book, children’s behavior would improve even to normal behavioral levels and that these changes would last (Forehand et al., 2011).

One of the things I liked about this book is it gives information to parents to guide them if their children need additional help. It talks about ADHD in a way that I found I could trust what was being said. A study done in Canada showed that younger children in a class are 70-95% more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD than older children in the class (Morrow et al, 2012). The book, Parenting the Strong-Willed Child, talks about how some behaviors that may seem like your child has a hyperactivity disorder such as ADHD may just be normal age behaviors and because of that it is difficult to diagnose preschool aged children.

I really liked how the book was organized and it was an easy read. It is divided into four different sections that help so you can later refer back when needed. The first part gives a background and an explanation of what a strong-willed child is. This part helped me trust the authors and I appreciated that they did not blame the parents for all of the behavioral problems their children have. It is difficult enough to be a parent without constantly feeling like you are doing everything wrong.

The next section discussed the five-week program. The program does not just tell you what to do or not to do, but it explains the why behind it. The program helps parents focus on the positive behaviors providing the attention children often crave, and also gives tools to discipline the child in a consistent way when necessary. I believe children need positive interactions but also need to be told when they are doing something wrong and be corrected.

The third section is one of my favorites because it helps a parent look at their family culture and atmosphere to see if positive changes can be made. I find it difficult to notice behaviors that have become a natural part of my everyday life unless I have something that helps guide me on where I can improve. One of the things it mentions is a topic in one of my past blogs, cutting TV time and increasing reading time.

The last section is for those different scenarios where you find yourself butting heads with your child such as meal time, bed time, or having another child join your family. Sometimes remembering how your child views the world is all you need to work on behavioral problems.

If you have ever found yourself wondering where your child got some of that stubbornness and not quite sure how to deal with it, I suggest you read this book. Parents who are really struggling or parents who want to improve their parenting skills should read this book and apply what they learn.

Forehand, R. L., Merchant, M.J., Parent, J., Long, N., Linnea, K., Baer, J. (2011). Behavior Modification: An examination of a   

                Group curriculum for Parents of Young Children With Disruptive Behavior.  Sage, 35, 234-251.     

                doi:10.1177/0145445510393731

Morrow, R. L., Garland, E. J., Wright, J. M., Maclure, M., Taylor, S. Dormuth, C. (2012). Influence of Relative Age on 

                Diagnosis and Treatment of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder in Children. Canadian Medical Association                 

                Journal, 184(7). doi:10.1503/cmaj.111619

Community Paper

                 Everyone has parents, whether they are present in their lives currently or not, everyone is born with parents, it’s what those parents choose to do afterward that is the important part of becoming a parent.  Parenting is not an easy job, that is often times what steers parents away from their children and that is what is the most harmful to those children. “Parents derive considerable and continuing pleasure in their relationships and activities with children. In the final analysis, parents receive a great deal ‘in kind’ for the hard work of parenting} they are often recipients of unconditional love, they gain skills, and they even pretend to immortality. Parenthood is therefore giving and responsibility, and parenting is frustrations, fears, and failures. But parenting has its own intrinsic pleasures, privileges, and profits.” (Bornstein, 2005 p. 311) Parents are in our lives to serve the purpose as being a mentor, a supporter and provide unconditional love, without those present in a growing child there can be harmful outcomes.

  There are various types of parenting that are currently being practiced in the world today and I am not here to tell you which one is right and which one is wrong, I am simply here to provide information to you about the proven benefits that children experience when they have parents in their lives, guiding them in the right direction.  The first and foremost important part of being a parent is being present in your child’s live, giving them love and making sure that they know that you support them in their decisions, but don’t take that too far, this does not mean that you support them when they are engaging or behaving in ways that they shouldn’t.  This is where the second most important part of being a parent comes in, you need to be there to discipline your child, let them know what is wrong from right, one of the most effective ways of doing that is being a good role model.  Thirdly you need to be compassionate, understanding and forgiving with your children, when they make a mistake, you need to forgive them, if they are having a bad day or a great day even, share those feelings with them, it builds a stronger relationship between the two of you, trust.

            There are proven facts that children who do not have positive relationships with their parents have a harder time throughout life, even as far as into adulthood. One of the most frequent outcomes of poor parenting is lack of self-esteem and self-confidence among those children, these children are more likely to engage in deviant behavior and are more like to indulge in drugs and alcohol as a way of escaping.  These youngster are also less likely to graduate high-school and attend college, it doesn’t just stop there, they take it onto when they become parents.  “Parents with a history of stressful childhood experiences and who are themselves the product of parental rejection may have feelings of insecurity regarding their parenting capabilities and a negative outlook about their child and life in general.” (Hsueh, 2009 p. 188)

So all in all you can see the importance of being a good parent and being there for your child, take these years while your child is growing up to bond with them and form a great relationship, it will benefit both of you in the long run.  You need to understand that it isn’t going to be easy, there are going to be some hard times, but there are resources in our community that you can reach out to and you can also talk with family members and others who themselves have gone through the process of becoming a parents and the live of actually being a parent. Don’t let your little ones hurt from mistakes that you make, they deserve to live their life to the fullest and without your help it is going to be extremely difficult for them and they are less likely to find their way to that life.

References:

Bornstein, M. (2005). Infant and child development. (Vol. 14, pp. 311-314). Retrieved from http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com.ezproxy.lib.utah.edu/store/10.1002/icd.394/asset/394_ftp.pdf?v=1&t=hdlubeh4&s=777ea34444046699a672ace1e488e47d07d4d8df

Hsueh, A. C. (2009). Qualitative reports of problems in cohabiting relationships: Comparisons to married and dating relationships.. (Vol ed., Vol. 23(2), pp. 175-193). College Station, TX: American Psychological Association.