Parenting Matters

            When I was in my early twenties I was outside when one of neighbors came by with her three year old son. As they went to leave the little boy fell over and his bike landed on top of him. My instinct was immediately to help him up, but as I stepped towards him the mom immediately stopped me saying “He can do it by himself”. The mother waited for her son to pick himself up while she talked to those around her appearing to almost ignore his tears. It took her a minute to realize he was stuck in such a way that it was nearly impossible for him to get out of his predicament without some help and then proceeded to help him herself.

            I share this story because I think it reflects a lot of valid points when questioning if parenting matters. First it is important to understand that parenting does matter but that does not mean that all parents parent the same way or that one way is necessarily better than another. Every society has different cultural norms, meaning what is okay with me may not be okay with you because we were taught differently growing up. Within the US parents generally want their children to become independent and self-sufficient (Small, 1999). I can look back at the story of my neighbor and realize that she was most likely trying to help her child develop his independence and self-sufficiency in a way that is different than I would have.

                One of the biggest questions when it comes to parenting is if one gender is a better caregiver to a child than the other gender. This is a difficult and sensitive question to answer because there is a lot of tradition as well as personal circumstances that may influence how we feel about the subject. There has also been a lot of research conducted and some show that one gender is a better caregiver while other research shows something completely different. However, almost all of the studies agree that although all parents are not equal, they can offer different opportunities to their children. One study I found shows that fathers are more likely to play puzzles or sports with their kids as well as more likely to be stricter about eating breakfast at a regular time while mothers are more likely to show affection and sing to their children. (Durfur et al., 2010). It’s not that the other parent can’t do those things, but it just shows that parents can bring different attributes.

            What does all of this mean? Parents are different and expectations of what makes a perfect parent depends on whom you ask. Just because a parent does it different than you or I, does not mean they do not want the best for their child nor does it mean that your way is better than theirs. Children need their parents to care for them and teach them what they need to survive in the world. The most important thing is parenting matters.

Dufur, M. J., Howell, N. C., Downey, D. B., Ainsworth, J. W. and Lapray, A. J. (2010), Sex

Differences in Parenting Behaviors in Single-Mother and Single-Father Households.

Journal of Marriage and Family, 72, 1092–1106. doi: 10.1111/j.1741-3737.2010.00752.x

Small, M. F., (1999). Our Babies Ourselves: how Biology and Culture Shape the Way we Parent.

New York: Anchor Books.     

Response to a Readers Question

One of our followers on this blog recently asked a question regarding nighttime anxiety and fears with children in their preschool years.  As we all know, sleep is very important in many ways, health benefits, defining how the following day will go and many more.  Children need their sleep and parents as you know, you need your sleep too, there is no way to parent and tackle all the tasks you face on a day to day basis.  So I did a little research to try and help parents come up with a plan to help their child who has night anxiety, night fears or even as far as night terrors.  (I personally know about night terrors, my younger brother had them from the age of two until he was about three and a half, they are scary and impossible to sleep through if you are in the house.) 

            There was a recent study that was done on children between the age of two and four who all experience nighttime fears (NF).  “The children were placed into two groups, one group who received a doll and was told to take care of that doll, the other group was given a doll and was told that that doll would protect them.”  (Kushnir & Sadeh, 2012 pg. 66) These children were then observed to see which of the two methods worked best in eliminating or lessening the frequency of nighttime fears. As a result after these children were observed and the results had been analyzed, it has been proven that both of these approaches help children and their nighttime fears and anxieties.  With that said, “the children who were given a the doll who were given the doll with the thought that it would serve as a protector,” had significantly less nighttime fears than those who were given the other doll. (Kushnir & Sadeh, 2012 pg. 74)

Now what causes nighttime fears vary from child to child, situation to situations, but after all if the child is experiencing these fears it is important to provide them with something to help, talking with them does not always solve the problem, although it does help. This doll or figure does not need to be need to be a doll necessarily, it could be a bear or an action figure (although that might not be the most comfy), it could even be something that you bring into their room when they are having these fears and place it next to their bed, a photo perhaps. It is helpful to give your child the confidence that nothing is going to happen and that this figure what ever you choose it to be will help protect them when they start to feel those fears.. So parents, get back to getting full nights of sleep and help your children sleep well also.  Hopefully this little bit of advice can help you and your child sleep better at night, also if you have not read the post on bed time routines, I recommend you check that out as well.

Kushnir, J., & Sadeh, A. (2012). Assessment of brief interventions for nighttime fears in preschool children. (1 ed., Vol. 171, pp. 66-75). Retrieved from

Media for My Preschooler?

Mackenzie asked: I've got a question for you. I have a preschool aged nephew who always seems to be playing some sort of video game (Wii, Nintendo, etc) to the point where it's hard to even talk to him anymore because he's so distracted. Do you know if there is any research out about young children and technology? If so, what does it have guidelines for what is and isn't appropriate for young children?

Thank you for your question, Mackenzie. Technology is an important piece of our culture today and children know how to manage it, sometimes even better than their own parents. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) has done a wonderful study about the amount of technology children ages 0 to 6 are exposed to and how that affects their guidelines and outdoor play (Vanderwater et al., 2007). The AAP set most of the US guidelines for children’s needs. 

Let me share a few of the findings from the AAP study. The guidelines state that children under 2 years of age should not watch any TV and children over two years should not watch any more than 2 hours a day and these recommendations are based on how it affects the children’s attention span. Children of all age groups tended to watch more than the recommended TV, although it was not the case for all children. Video games were not used every day, but when they were they averaged 55 minutes of console time those days. There are also a lot of different reasons for children to watch and use media. Some parents have their children watch TV because they believe it will help with learning, other children watch it because their other family members are, and some do it as a soothing technique or to control behavior.  However, media use did not seem to affect the time spent on other activities such as reading a book or outdoor play (Vanderwarer et al., 2007).

There are a lot of misconceptions about children and electronic media which is probably from a lack of education. Technology is here to stay and it is important that parents understand what that means for their families, especially for the younger children that depend on the parents to make so many of their daily decisions. We also have to remember that recommendations do change and because today’s technology is new, the research is also new and there are many moer studies to be done. The study states “at this point, there are more ‘unknowns’ than ‘knowns’ in terms of the impact of exposure to screen and electronic media on very young children’s development”.

So what does all of this mean for preschoolers? They should not watch more than 2 hours of TV or media a day and less is always better because we want our kids to be able to stay focused when necessary and have good attention spans. Children should not have their own TVs, even if it is convenient for the parents. Parenting is difficult and takes time, but look at some of the other blog posts for ideas on what else you can do instead of put the child in front of the TV.

Vanderwater, E.  A., Rideout, V.  J., Wartella, E. A., Huang, X., Lee, J.  H., Shim, M. (2007). Digital

Childhood: Electronic Media and Technology Use among Infants, Toddlers, and Preschoolers. Pediatrics, 118, e1006-e1015. doi:10.1542/peds.2006-1804

Ready For Kindergarten?

http://www.authorstream.com/Presentation/allymariedahlstr-1719338-ready-kindergarten/

References: Pagani, L., & Fitspatrick, C. (2012). Intelligence. (2 ed., Vol. 14, pp. 205-212). Retrieved from http://www.sciencedirect.com.ezproxy.lib.utah.edu/science/article/pii/S0160289611001449

Video: Shaving Cream Alphabet

Here are some links for some other ideas to check out:

 

http://www.education.com/magazine/article/preschool-letter-writing/

http://www.teachpreschool.org/category/reading-and-writing-readiness/

http://www.handwritingforkids.com/handwrite/

http://handsonaswegrow.com/35-name-activities-for-preschoolers/ 

Puranik, C.S., Lonigan, C.J. (2012). Name-Writing Proficiency, Not Length of Name, is Associated with Preschool   

     Children's Emergent Literacy Skills. Early Childhood Research Quarterly, 27:2. Retrieved from  

    http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.ecresq.2011.09.003

Puranik, C.S., Lonigan, C.J., Kim, Y. (2011). Contributions of Emergent Literacy Skills to Name Writing, Letter Writing, and 

     Spelling in Preschool Children. Early Childhood Research Quarterly, 26:4. Retrieved from 

     http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.ecresq.2011.03.002

Check Out This Blog Moms

       There are many blogs out there that parents, teachers and the occasional professional post about parenting preschoolers, a topic that is very popular considering that it can be so challenging and any outside advice is welcome.  As I was searching the web for blogs about parenting preschoolers I was quite surprised to find that there are not that many blogs that align well with research or even have research involved in them at all.  With that said I tried a different approach, rather than having the opinion that only blogs with research are valid, I decided to focus on the other side, blogs without research since they seem to be the most prevalent.  As I first started searching and reading through blogs and their posts and observing which blogs have lots of followers and commenting readers, I noticed that the research aspect of things is not the important part, at least in the subject of parenting preschoolers.  It is the experience part that is intriguing and the most important to parents who are looking for advice in this department.  I came across a blog by the name of A Mom With A Lesson Plan, as I started to read I found lots of great advice and wanted to share this blog with all of you, since we are all curious and interested in the years of parenting preschoolers.

           The author of this blog is a mother who has a boy who she describes as ‘strong-willed,’ which whom of us who have preschool aged children or work with them cannot relate with that? She writes about her experiences with her young boy, she talks about activities that she has done with her boy, she provides examples of both activities that her child has liked and some that he has not.  This is a great blog if you are looking for advice from a mother who is very involved in her child’s life, she provides activities that promote growth and mental development. This blog does not provide any proof of research nor uses theory but that is not important if you are looking for an easy read that can benefit you.  She describes activities and gives you the step my step process with pictures included, simple to follow and fun activities too. Her way of writing is very intriguing and the blog is full of pictures, fun facts and great topics of writing.  Other than activities, she provides information about similar things that we have written about, bedtime routines, discipline and other topics as well.  Give it a shot you will really enjoy this blog, even if you aren’t a parent, maybe you are just curious in preschoolers, this is great to read about life as a parent of a preschooler.

www.amomwithalessonplan.com

(2013). A mom with a lesson plan. Retrieved from http://amomwithalessonplan.com

An Activity Filled Blog to Consider

This week a friend of mine posted on her Facebook account asking if anybody had any ideas on what activities she could do with a 4 year old and a 20 month old in the mornings because she was running out of ideas. One of the great things about the information age is that you can get ideas for activities, suggestions on what to do when a problem arises, and even have suggestions given of other places to look for additional information with just a click of a button. However, it can be overwhelming at times so it helps to know where to look.  That is why I decided to recommend this great blog I found called Toddler Approved http://www.toddlerapproved.com.

The authors of this blog are a group of contributors who are paid to test products such as toys and books, but the information they give is really not about selling products. They give ideas on behavior charts, recommend books, provide suggestions for problems caregivers of preschoolers might encounter, and have lots and lots of activities you can do with your preschooler.

One of the subjects discussed in this blog is quiet time.  Napping can provide renewed energy for your child and for you, but sometimes naps just do not happen and children can outgrow their napping routine. Around three to five years children usually stop napping during the day because they can get enough sleep at night and those children who stop napping during the day may do better cognitively (Lam, Mahone, Mason &  Scharf, 2011). However, as a parent I still wanted some time to myself so quiet time became a beautiful option. If you search “quiet time” in the blog search box you will get the post titled Establishing Quiet Time… When Your Child Stops Napping which lists some steps to making quiet time successful for you and your preschooler.

My favorite part of the Toddler Approved blog is the activity sections. When children learn through play they can increase their interest in science, technology, engineering and mathematics (STEM subjects) which is found to be true especially at home (Bachman & Dierking, 2011). Flexibility in the child’s play is important to success in these areas (Bachman & Dierking, 2011). Crafts allow for a lot of flexibility because children can be innovative with their creations. Enter “learn through play” in the blog’s search box and you will find 75+Math Activities From the PLAY Group.

Their most recent blog gives an idea for a family jogging club using crafts. Today obesity is often talked about as an epidemic in the US.  The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention [CDC] (2013) states how important it is for children of all ages to become physically active and that children who are physically active are less likely to become obese later on in life which will help in prevention from serious diseases such as heart disease and diabetes. It’s so nice to have ideas on how to engage your children so they can create and maintain healthy habits and this blog provides some great ideas.

There is so much helpful information in this blog. The writers are open and honest and want to share their ideas as well as ideas and pages of other people and sites they find interesting. I suggest any parent or caregiver who needs some ideas check out this blog. In fact, I am going to make sure I give my friend the link as well.

Bachman, J., Dierking, L., (2011). Co-creating Playful Environments That Support Children’s Science and

Mathematics Learning as Cultural Activity: Insights from Home-Educating Families. Children, Youth and Environments, 21, 294-311. Retrieved from http://www.jstor.org/stable/10.7721/chilyoutenvi.21.2.0294

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (2013). Adolescent and School Health: Childhood Obesity

Facts. Retrieved from http://www.cdc.gov/healthyyouth/obesity/facts.htm

Lam, J. C., Mahone, E. M., Mason, T. B. A., Scharf, S. M., (2011). The Effects of Napping on Cognitive Function in

Preschoolers, Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics, 32(2).  doi:10.1097/DBP.0b013e318207ecc7