Parenting Matters

            When I was in my early twenties I was outside when one of neighbors came by with her three year old son. As they went to leave the little boy fell over and his bike landed on top of him. My instinct was immediately to help him up, but as I stepped towards him the mom immediately stopped me saying “He can do it by himself”. The mother waited for her son to pick himself up while she talked to those around her appearing to almost ignore his tears. It took her a minute to realize he was stuck in such a way that it was nearly impossible for him to get out of his predicament without some help and then proceeded to help him herself.

            I share this story because I think it reflects a lot of valid points when questioning if parenting matters. First it is important to understand that parenting does matter but that does not mean that all parents parent the same way or that one way is necessarily better than another. Every society has different cultural norms, meaning what is okay with me may not be okay with you because we were taught differently growing up. Within the US parents generally want their children to become independent and self-sufficient (Small, 1999). I can look back at the story of my neighbor and realize that she was most likely trying to help her child develop his independence and self-sufficiency in a way that is different than I would have.

                One of the biggest questions when it comes to parenting is if one gender is a better caregiver to a child than the other gender. This is a difficult and sensitive question to answer because there is a lot of tradition as well as personal circumstances that may influence how we feel about the subject. There has also been a lot of research conducted and some show that one gender is a better caregiver while other research shows something completely different. However, almost all of the studies agree that although all parents are not equal, they can offer different opportunities to their children. One study I found shows that fathers are more likely to play puzzles or sports with their kids as well as more likely to be stricter about eating breakfast at a regular time while mothers are more likely to show affection and sing to their children. (Durfur et al., 2010). It’s not that the other parent can’t do those things, but it just shows that parents can bring different attributes.

            What does all of this mean? Parents are different and expectations of what makes a perfect parent depends on whom you ask. Just because a parent does it different than you or I, does not mean they do not want the best for their child nor does it mean that your way is better than theirs. Children need their parents to care for them and teach them what they need to survive in the world. The most important thing is parenting matters.

Dufur, M. J., Howell, N. C., Downey, D. B., Ainsworth, J. W. and Lapray, A. J. (2010), Sex

Differences in Parenting Behaviors in Single-Mother and Single-Father Households.

Journal of Marriage and Family, 72, 1092–1106. doi: 10.1111/j.1741-3737.2010.00752.x

Small, M. F., (1999). Our Babies Ourselves: how Biology and Culture Shape the Way we Parent.

New York: Anchor Books.